Your card gets declined You get a great tan Your dog runs away YoU fOrGeT yOuR wAlLeT aT hOmE Your foot falls asleep YOU GET HIT BY A CAR Your phone dies Classes get canceled Your identity is STOLEN Your Galaxy S7 blows up Your parents get divorced Your pencil breaks You get a flat tire YoUr CrUsH tExTs YoU You hit a squirrel with your bike You CLOSE a DEAL YOUR HOUSE LOSES POWER You win free pizza for life You have 13 missed calls from your mother Your hot new coworker asks you on a date You accidentally get pregnant Your childhood best friend moves in next to you You and your boss show up to work WEARING THE SAME THING Hollywood makes a sequel to your favorite movie You get evicted from your house YOU SPILL RED WINE ON YOUR WHITE SHIRT You win a Grammy A dEeR eAtS tHe ToMaToEs OuT oF yOuR gArDeN Your surfboard snaps in half Your ex starts DATING someone else Your client cries in front of you Your friend brings you food when you’re sick Your Uber driver tries to kidnap you YOU DEVELOP LACTOSE INTOLERANCE The fan fiction you wrote as a joke becomes a best seller You FORGET your password YoUr WiFe LeAvEs YoU fOr HeR tEnNiS iNsTrUcToR The microwave explodes A girl you went to middle school with becomes a famous actress Your hair color washes out THE MOLE ON YOU BACK TURNS OUT TO BE CANCEROUS You finally reach climax You fracture your left thumb in a skiing accident Usher Twitter DMs you Your friend crashes your car while driving it to pick up food for the two of you You shit your pants Your former teacher asks you on a date at your high school reunion It takes you 35 minutes to hail a taxi Your boyfriend gets YOUR NAME tattooed You grow half an inch in your 40s Your job transfers you to a new city You find a valuable couch for $50 at an estate sale Your favorite bar is closed by health services Your daughter is terrible in the school play You wake up with mysterious scratches all over your legs You get a free meal after being mistaken for a minor celebrity You sleep through your 8am class The baby sitting behind you cries for 13 hours straight on an international flight Your hometown gets hit by a hurricane Your dog pees on the carpet Your grandmother buys you a surprise gift Your fake ID gets taken by a bouncer You get randomly selected for TSA screening You start getting gray hairs You witness a robbery You find $20 in the pocket of old pants Your brother is drafted into the war Mold grows in the strawberries You’re voted captain The song that reminds you of him is playing on every station You cut yourself with a razor and need stitches Your boyfriend asks to marry you Your hairdresser turns you around to face the mirror, revealing your new horrible bangs You get a car for your birthday Your brother dies You get T-boned as you drive your new car out of the dealership You catch the bus in the nick of time You have a wardrobe malfunction while giving an important speech You get Herpes from a one night stand You get locked out of your condo You receive a scholarship He breaks up with you over text after 3 years of dating You win your soccer game Your nudes get leaked Your surgery doesn’t go well You go deaf in your left ear Your middle school year book photo becomes an internet meme You win concert tickets on the radio It rains on your wedding day You get accepted to your dream college You run out of your medication You inherit a Rolex from your grandfather You get poison ivy on a weekend hike The person in front of you pays for your coffee There’s a lot more blood than you expected You receive a black fax The person next to you picks up a call in the middle of yoga class A student opens fire at your school You gain 12 pounds in two months Your ex shows up at your door with flowers Your best friend comes out as gay Your team wins the Superbowl Your shirt gets shrunk in the wash A Chinese restaurant opens up across the street You’re stung by a jellyfish You develop insomnia You beat cancer You get a parking ticket You get mugged You receive two front row tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway There’s a fire in your apartment You get gingivitis Your friend calls you just to see how you’re doing The store is out of shoes in your size You get seated on a plane next to someone you once took exercise classes with The parking meter has been paid for you Your roommate eats all your food Your zipper gets stuck You are elected president You get acne in your 30s You win $30,000 in Vegas Your neighbors call in a noise complaint on your birthday party You find your old iPod The cake you are making gets burned in the oven The package you needed doesn’t arrive on time A tree falls on your house You get a call back for the school play Your suitcase gets lost Your dad develops Alzheimer’s Your computer completely wipes itself You get another yeast infection An article without a spoiler alert ruins the rest of the season for you You have a dream where everyone is speaking in Japanese, but you can understand them You are mauled by a lion Your psychiatrist mentions you in his suicide note Your professor loses your paper and gives you and automatic A You avoid a speeding ticket because the cop knew your dad back in the day You lose your wallet You spill orange juice on your laptop You win the lottery The tattoo doesn’t look as good as you expected Your cow is abducted by aliens You find a message in a bottle You trip over your son’s toys You win Miss Teen Nevada There’s an earthquake You find the perfect shade of red lipstick The second date goes even better than the first one Your plane crashes It fits perfectly Your friend borrows a nice dress and never gives it back You find a coworker on Tinder Your cat has kittens The elevator is out of order, causing you to walk up 13 flights of stairs You house is chosen as a backdrop for a car commercial One of your teeth falls out You get 500 likes on an Instagram A child tells you your nose is too big There is a sign in attempt to your account from a strange device The Apple store gives you a new phone for free The fire alarm goes off You find out you’re adopted You have explosive diarrhea Your wig flies off while you are riding a roller coaster You slowly start losing your eyesight You pass out from heat stroke There’s 34 pages missing from the book you checked out of the local library A homeless person throws a cup at you You’re selected for jury duty Your pumpkin wins a prize at the county fair No one shows up to your birthday party Something pops out right in front of you You wake up hungover in an unfamiliar bed You fall down the stairs on your first day Your dog chews up your most expensive shoes You finally beat the final boss level of your favorite video game You leave your ticket on the train A drunk guy at the bar hits you in the face The stock your grandparents gave you as a child skyrockets in value You throw up on the girl you like on her 21st birthday You have a nightmare featuring your elementary school teacher Your daughter has an anxiety attack It snows in July Your friends post your phone number on Craiglist as a prank An ingrown toenail renders you immobile You get upgraded to a first-class cabin You aced the test you were sure you failed You failed the test you were sure you aced Her bed frame collapses during sex You accidentally bring a bag of cocaine through airport security You lose a leg in a shark attack You and your husband are featured on the kiss cam at a basketball game The diamond falls out of your engagement ring You find a cigarette butt in your smoothie Your Facebook account gets hacked You’re fired You have to have an emergency C-section The car in front of you is driving 10 miles below the speed limit You run into an actor from your favorite TV show at Target A rumor goes around that you’re hooking up with your best friend’s boyfriend You’re accused of murder Your weed is laced with meth You pass out from standing too long Your song hits number 1 on the charts You fall asleep at the wheel Your backpack strap rips on your way to school She likes you back You’re moved up the waiting list You are raped You guess right on the first try There’s a spider colony in your bathroom You’re called onstage during the concert A family of raccoons take up residency in your attic You get hit in the face with a baseball You cut your hand while slicing a bagel AAA takes hours to reach you You keep getting the busy signal Your meeting is pushed back Your mother gets remarried You’re caught cheating on a test You’re kicked out of the group text Your shoes come untied and you eat shit You see a famous rapper at the mall You grow impatient The YouTube video you’re trying to show someone won’t load You’re cut from the basketball team You’re called into HR You land the trick The blind date goes terribly The doctor says nothing is wrong with you You don’t finish on time Your child hasn’t been seen in two days Your ex changes the Netflix password Your art piece sells for one million dollars You pass the bar You get the flu A butterfly lands on your hand You find someone else’s phone in your purse You lose all your money in a risky investment Your boyfriend buys you a house You sprain your knee dancing A new species of plant is discovered in your backyard Someone steps on your sunglasses The deadline is extended on the task you didn’t finish You discover you have a long-lost twin A vase falls on your head You chip your nail Your friend borrows a jacket and never gives it back Your hair gets caught in the car door
YOU DIE